For many people, work is a chore. They simply want to do their jobs and get back to their lives, and that usually doesn’t include spending free time with co-workers.
And this is how Reddit uses it u/hate_lemon He felt when his boss pressured him to cancel a date with his wife for an after-work dinner with his co-workers, after spending a whole week with them at a business conference.
Original story shared on Am I an asshole subreddit.
“Unfortunately, I was forced to go to a work conference recently. I am a remote worker, but unfortunately, I was told that I needed to attend a conference that many of my co-workers go to each year due to how complementary my duties were on offer this year.”
“I’m not friends with any of my co-workers or my boss, but I’m a professional with them. This was the first business conference I’d ever attended, so I didn’t realize how much this stuff consumed the whole time I was there.”
“The first three nights of the conference, there were various dinners that I had to attend after my usual business hours, despite spending more than eight hours doing work-related things at the conference already,” he explained.
“In my opinion, if I spend 8 1/2 hours in a business conference with my co-workers attending work-related sessions and giving a work-related presentation past 5 o’clock, I am no longer ‘at work.’ I was really annoyed that this wasn’t the expectation at first, But at least I was informed of these three different formal/scheduled dinners once the conference schedule was released.”
“The fourth and final night of the conference that I was expecting would be entirely mine because there was no dinner scheduled at the conference level. As such, the night before when I called my wife, I asked her if she wanted to have dinner together (i.e. video called each other and ate together). , and then spend as many hours as possible chatting before going to bed), and she said that sounded great.”
“We made plans to call at 7 our afternoon (6 as the conference was), and I was really looking forward to it, and obviously love her and her company.”
“Unfortunately, at lunch on the last day of the conference, my co-workers (including my boss) mentioned going to a certain restaurant. They asked if I was excited to go, and I said I wouldn’t come, but I hoped they were enjoying themselves.”
“They acted like I hit them and asked what I meant. I told them I planned to call my wife and have dinner with her.”
“I then learned that, apparently, there was some tradition of all my co-workers having dinner together last night. I said I wasn’t aware of it and we dined together every night, but I hope they enjoy themselves. The boss said afterwards that he It was something I had to attend, and then some of my co-workers agreed and said it was an “important part of the conference.”
“I told my boss and co-workers it was out of hours, unpaid, and unscheduled, plus I preferred my wife’s company to theirs, so I didn’t go. Then they told me I was ‘rude and contemptuous,’ and I should have expected us to eat Dinner together on the last night.
“I said it was ridiculous, but my boss indicated that not showing up would have repercussions, so I called my wife and apologized to her, and unfortunately attended this stupid dinner. Am I the fool?”
After reading this post, many users commented that this is the norm at conferences, and that opportunities for growth are often developed outside of business hours.
“Incredibly naive but not asshole, that’s just the way conferences work. More career moves are made at those dinners than in the boardroom, believe it or not.”
Emphasizing this point, other users have highlighted the potential consequences of not attending dinner.
“I’d say you’re not the asshole, assuming you’re okay with never getting a raise or a promotion. You can’t turn those things down and expect the bosses to see you as promotional material. Just like that.”
However, the user u / LazuriKittie He defended him by not wanting to attend dinner.
“Some people are uncomfortable in these situations. I’ve had to make a few dinners at a function before, and it was the most stifling and uncomfortable experience. You can’t just sit there and try to eat, you’re expected to socialize. I don’t like interacting with people and I’m not very good at That and I feel uncomfortable dining with people I don’t really know. No matter how good the free food and drink is, it’s not worth being stuck trying to connect with people you barely know or care about for hours. And when it’s randomly spilled on you, it’s even worse because you don’t get So take a lot of time to try and mentally prepare for it.”
Someone with extensive “business dinner” experience added these two two cents.
“As someone who’s gotten really good at knowing how to act a certain way around certain people: Throw those dinners away. Sure, the food is great and not on a dime, but for hours, I have to pretend I’m someone ‘not when I’d rather be with my actual friends and family’ Just to be myself. It’s not hard to be the person he wants me to be in this situation, but that’s just not me. “
